Steve Layman

I had to say goodbye to someone really important to me today. This is what came of it. I’m not doing great…

Now that you can’t have me
 take my clothes
The ones I bought for pennies
and boiled before I wore
I know you like the way they smell and
The big sleeves keep you warm
Now that you can’t have me,
Take my clothes.

Now that you can’t have me
 Take my car
The old one made of rust with doors
That scream every single morning
Despite the cracks and creaks it’ll
Get you going and get you far
Now that you can’t have me
Take my car.

Now that you can’t have me
 Take my hands
The ones I used to write these words while
You slept in my bed
They tried to stop the tears
While you dreamt up a better plan
Now that you can’t have me
 Take my hands

Now that you can’t have me
 Take my heart
I one I have no use for when this
State tears us apart
It was only useful with you around
I think it likes you best
Now that you can’t have me
Take this heart out of my chest.

Take my clothes, my car my hands and my heart
There’s nothing left for me to do with all these broken parts
They might make you complete, they might keep you from the dark
Take my clothes, my car my hands and my heart

This is a song I wrote a couple weeks ago when I had a really hard time sleeping on my friend’s couch in Albany. 

These full bands recordings from my Dad’s attic space are not meant to sound good, they are more of a form of documentation for me so I don’t lose ideas. I post them because people ask me to. That in mind, don’t leave messages in my askbox about how shitty these DEMO recordings are. I don’t care if you don’t like it. It’s not for you.

“Smalbany”

How can anyone sleep in this goddamned city?
Five hours with my head down, Madison Ave is winning.
Twin taxis piss in anger at the stoplights glistening
Finding peace in a futon is wishful thinking

Too many bitter hearts wish Center Square was Bushwick.
Under lackluster streetlights, Lark Street looks worthless.
All the social unrest is the same if you don’t look much closer,
So cash in on the cheap rent and pay the price of culture.

If these streets become my home, if this grid is where I’ll roam
I’ll find the sidewalks, uproot them, find the dirt so I can grow.

I will cover all my windows with rotten boards
I will find some rusty nails and lock up all my doors
I will set my half-bath on fire every single night
Watch my spirits sink like smoke from the ceiling to the floor

Maybe then I can drown out all of this noise,
Sing along with the commuters every single morning,
Harmonize with the sirens and the car alarms,
Rest my weary head by this river of light.

Until then, I’ll breath slowly, lay still and stiff
Wait for sunlight to bleed through these curtains…

Here’s a new song I wrote today. It’s a pretty self explanatory piece so I’m just going to write out the lyrics for you if you care to read along.

I should have left the pages of your tattered heart un-turned.
You said from the start “Don’t give all your heart or expect much in return”.
That much was true, but I still gave you all that I could,
It’s my fault for feeling wronged when you did what you said you would.

I’m no stranger to second string,
I get the kiss on the cheek while the other get’s the ring.
I’m no stranger to second string,
I don’t lose sleep hoping that you might miss me.

This summer, plant a garden to cultivate your wealth and worth,
I’ll strain my voice on the highway and pretend the distance won’t hurt.
I just hope you know I would have helped you grow if you let me,
You left in fear of the ending & turned this us into two separate journeys.

I’m no stranger to second string,
I get the kiss on the cheek while the other get’s the ring.
I’m no stranger to second string,
I don’t lose sleep hoping that you might miss me.

I know that I can do better.
I know that you can do better.
I know that we could have been better.
In spite of that, I don’t feel better.

I found a big paintbrush and one drumstick and then tracked a full band version of a sort of new song that I play sometimes. It’s kind of a whole new song now. You should listen to the original demo of this and then listen to the full band version for comparison. Share it with your friends if you’re into it.

(acoustic version)

This isn’t exactly a new song. Anyone who has seen me play since late July has heard it. I just hadn’t gotten around to recording it. Regardless, here’s my set opener until I write something I’d rather open with. I’m calling it Broken Smile. Let me know what you think of it. If you’re into it, reblog this post so other people can hear it!

There are some nights when I just can’t
Bring myself to smile
There are some nights when I just can’t
Bring myself to cry
But at the end of every day I’ll know every day was mine.

There are some nights when I just can’t
Bring myself to try
There are some nights when I just can’t
Lay down and die
But when I finally, I will not care if all my choices were right

It’s a long walk to the ocean
But my feet haven’t taken one step
I’m not sure where the currents will take me
But I know where the road will end.

There are some nights when I just can’t
Give my heart away
There are some nights when I just can’t
Find the nerve to say
“I don’t know why I bother when you’ll leave before you learn my name.”

There are some nights when I just can’t
Waste my time for pay
There are some nights when I just can’t
Find the time to play
I’m not sure why I’m singing when the future screams “These words will be burned.”

It’s a long walk to the ocean
But my feet haven’t taken one step
I’m not sure where the currents will take me
But I know where the road will end. 

At the bottom of sea is where they’ll bury me.
If that’s where I’ll be redeemed, that’s where I want to be. 

Here’s a new track called “Take You Back”. Let me know what you think of it!

The George Washington Bridge collapsed in your rear-view mirror
Through the radio, I heard your heartstrings come undone.
Misty eyed, mournful drive from thruway to thruway
I tried to find the time to stop as you passed through.

We could’ve gone to Neptune or the B’ville Diner for coffee at 3am.
I would’ve dropped everything for you, my dear friend.
I would’ve said any set of words to lift your heavy head.
Or we could sit in silence, but at least I’d know that you’re not alone.

But I stayed inside as your world grew smaller with every passing measured mile
And I’m sorry.

I know you hate it there, but if I could, I’d take you back to California.
To a simpler time when the future was yours and you were the queen.
To the nights where your eyes would shine in the moonlight.
To the days where your smiles were honest and wide as the sea.

If I saw you, I’d say “Hey darling, don’t beat yourself up
Over temporary things that are out of your control.”
I know you can’t feel it now, but I promise there’s good in where you’re at.
You can tell me that I’m wrong, but I swear this all will pass.

Someday soon, somebody will love you right
Even if you rent out your heart a hundred more nights
When the candles burn low and the flowers have died
The man you’ve been waiting for will be by your side to make you a wife.

I know you hate it there, but if I could, I’d take you back to California.
To a simpler time when the future was yours and you were the queen.
To the nights where your eyes would shine in the moonlight.
To the days where your smiles were honest and wide as the sea.

If I don’t see you again, remember what we said
I’ll keep a space inside my heart if you can keep me as a friend
When this whole thing blows over, you’ll find I was right
There will be someone in your bed to keep you safe through the night.

Here’s a new one for you. “211”

If you enjoy the track, follow me. Reblog the post. Encourage others to do the same!

Up a stairwell and down a hill at 4 in the morning
My head’s still spinning from burnt grass and muddy water
You take me by the hand, lead me to your bed and say “Keep this a secret…” 
For your sake, I will hide what happens next. 

But anyone listening through the wall can make out the ending
Sketch an accurate outline of the picture were painting

These bedroom walls are the canvas. 
We pour heavy breathing over.
Spread it around with nervous fingers and
Calculated motions inward and outward.
Until we’re laying on our backs,
Gazing at a masterpiece.
For the sake of artistic style,
I’ll be a little more discreet.

Since I can’t scream your name out loud
I’ll bury it deep in the subtext. So kids with
Noses to pages and ears to the ground
Can figure these characters out.
These words may be premature
This last minute party might end abruptly
For I am just a bookmark
In the pages of your tattered heart. 

For the sake of your fragile binding
I’ll try to be more cryptic. 

New Music Monday - “Hole In The Mountain”

Here’s a new one. Hopefully this track doesn’t piss too many people off. It’s not going to be on the full length. It’s pretty straightforward and pretty slow in comparison to my other material.

While you were half way around the world,
I went back to my Father’s house
Found all my possessions tucked away in boxes
Dressed in dust from memory and repair.

I found my life as I once lived it
In ticket stubs, photographs and bitter, lovesick poetry.
Surely, I have changed in distance and in time
A change of heart, a change of pace, I’ve changed my mind.

But you missed nearly everything
That came before what brought me here today.

While you were half way around the world,
I thought of the boy that I once was
All the things I couldn’t say, all my misspellings and mistakes
And misconceptions of the world from where I was raised.

There and back again, I found some courage.
The will to say what’s on my mind and do as I please.
To be a little kinder and a little more open minded
I was told “You must get lost to find your way.” 

I am not afraid of what these four walls might do
If I choose to scream.

To the girl with music in her name
What do you say?
Would you like to get to know
The boy I am today?
When you do return
And I have some money saved,
Would you like to take a trip up North
For a couple days?

Will you bring me something back
From the place you’ve been away? 

As always, repost if you enjoy it and write anonymous hate mail if you didn’t enjoy it. Thanks.

New song (like I promised). Calling it “Unfit Dullard” 

In short, it’s about not using fucked up words. Everyone (including myself) needs to take a step back and take a critical look at the vocabulary used in every day conversation; and not use words that historically only exist to make people feel like less than people. Here are the lyrics.

I have no time for allegory
The skin on my knuckles is wearing thin
I’ll make this short and sweet and pissed
And to the point.

Language is a very powerful thing,
But like fire
It can light up a room
Or consume your home.

You better watch what you say
When you’re in the public space.
I won’t be silent if your choice of words
Only reinforces mindless hate.

Get fucked, you ignorant piece of shit.
Don’t call anyone a whore or a faggot
Ever again. 

 Reblog/Repost/whatever if you liked it. Spread it around.